I have spent 3 out of 21 years of life living in entirely new world. For me, it was a tough 2 years, I must say. Even though now I can't feel the difference anymore. It's either I get used to everything or this is how the world works. Someone says world moves in circle. Now another worry grows! "When I come back to my homeland will it be just the same, the way I left them 3 years ago?" Well, I wish not! I wish there were some improvements in infrastructure and stuff. But the intimacy within the family, that's one thing that we should never changed! The kindness of my people should never fade away!

It's easy to say that. But I don't get it! How come someone who has left his family behind, for God knows how long, still confident to say that? Someone who calls his Ma only once a month. Someone who isolates himself from the world. Does a family mean anything at all to him. Or it's just his dreams, his ambitions all that matter?

This year I can finally breath. No more feeling of being smothered, like two years earlier. God pays all the struggles that I went through with a sweet fruit. The first two years were just a test; A Profeciency Test of Being Patience. I wasn't that patience. But God gives me the fruit. Maybe God knows I have done everything I can to keep staying. Staying is a big deal. Many of them ending up leaving, not as a martyr but as a coward.
I had problems in my first year! I decided to go on my own. I believe God is always by my side. So I thought I had nothing to worry about. I just go! I traveled far, far way. I wouldn't want those hypocrites notice my journey. I go quietly. It's become clear now. They didn't want me from the first place. If they did, they would've gone after me. So it goes. (Thanks Vonnegut :)

Suddenly I can thank myself enough for making that decision. A big fabulous decision. Now I live my life without having a feeling of being smothered. Previously it felt like I was a patient at one hospital geting infused with I don't what water is that. But then a nurse, who pretended to take care of me, let the water stuck on purpose. Whatever! At least I can breath now. Doesn't mean that I don't have any problem. I do have problem but at least it's individual problem. Not caused by other people's evil deed.

Thank you ya Allah for this one year in particular.
You were my savior and always be savior,
You stay by my side when others let me down, 
You are my breath.

The beginning of 2015 brought me delight. I was deserted and God saved me. I prayed I prayed and God said now is the time. You have learnt a little bit. Keep doing that. The miracles keep coming. At first it was on the matter of not wanting to give a burden to your family, finacially. God helps me to get scholarships, even though it will end next month. At least I get one lesson; help comes from every where whenever you need it. You just need to trust God's omniscient. Next semester God has written me another thing. At least I get a foresee. If something goes right I'll be experiencing a new world. I will talk about it when it happens.

Thank you Allah for every single moment Thou spent with me. I know Thou are always by my side. I know, it's me who sometime get carried away.

21 is a big enough number to be a grown up man. Grown up doesn't mean you are physically tall or having beard in your chin. It's about your way in making decision in every single probem that you are faced to. I am not a matured person. I often act like a kid. But I am trying to. I try to be mature spiritually, physically and mentally. I would like to see my self as a person of that kind. Maybe it can be seen after tomorrow. Who knows? It's your own free will Hari! Pointing finger to myself.

Thank you Allah.
Thank you Bapak and Mamak for not tying me up like a pet. There are many parents who won't let their children to experience world. But you give me that precious thing.
Thank you world for whatever it is.
Thank you friends for your presence in my life. Each of you brings me something that I might not know, if I didn't meet you.
Thank you books, for being my friend when I am completely alone.
Thank you school, for being the only one to accept me while others keep rejecting my presence.
Thank you PPI Izmir for becoming a home for my loneliness.
Thank you.. Thank you..
Thanks to a brother that I haven't had to get me a book (Sophie's World) as a present.

I am 21! I am 12?

Happy birthday my bro, John F. Kennedy.
Happy celebration of Fatih day. Today is the day when Fatih invanded Istanbul.

One day I watched an Indonesian talk show called 'Just Alvin' that I intentionally downloaded from youtube, knowing that the guest star is Dian Sastro - who is an Indonesian sweetheart. She has always been a person that I adore very much. Not only because she is an accomplished person, but also because of her passionate in pursuing her dreams. By the way I know all of that from talk shows that she happened to be invited to. You may say that I have been stalking her all these times.

One of the informations that I get about her is that she already knew what she wanted to do from the very young age. Her mother is an educated woman who knows how to educate her daughter. Every mom does! It's just the degree of 'knowing' is somehow different from one mom to another, depending on their live background. She taught her to make short term plan, and she has started doing that from a very young age.

One of her ambitions is to study abroad. Knowing that living abroad needs a lot of money she tried to gather informations on how to get as much money as possible, so that she can continue her university education abroad. While her mother is a single mother, which is impossible to give her another burden, she thought. I think she could afford sending her to study abroad, judging from her aristocratic name. But that little girl has another and more matured thoughts.

She had that thought when she was still in middle school, if I am not mistaken. And, according to the research she made being an artist is one of the ways that can realize her dream - to get the money. Her research went on to from which place is most the artists come from, she found out that most famous people were coming from a beauty contest called - Gadis. She didn't stop there. She also went on researching on what criterias are needed to be a winner of that competition. I don't remember the exact number, but one of the informations she gathered is that about the average age of the previous winners. Almost all of those who won the contest are girls of age 15. She was 13, If I am not mistaken, and she waits until she turns 15 and she won. Of course there were other things that she mentioned, the fact that she won, I don't feel the need to talk about it anymore. She won that competition, not because it's just happened. It happened because she has done all the requirements to become a winner.
Although she didn't get the chance to study abroad - due to her successful career in Indonesian film industry - it doesn't stop her to become an inspiring woman. Of course everybody has shortcomings, as someone who lusts for inspiration we have no right to see at that corner. Let's just focus on the bright sight of the person, if we want to be inspired. Her inspiring accomplishments are the movies she was in, almost all of them gained a good critique, and won many awards both notional and international. Recently she just got her master degree from University of Indonesia, cum laude. It's quite shocking though, looking at the fact that she is now no longer alone. She is married and have babies to take care of. But she managed to finish her master degree and cum laude. Let me type it this way CUM LAUDE. Isn't it inspiring? And she happens to be invited to the talk show I mentioned earlier partly to talk about her graduation and her new coming movie.

I don't want talk about the movie. I just want to talk about one thing that she mentioned on that talk show - it's about gratitude journal. She says she can be that happy because she learnt how to be gratitude, when the host says she looks so happy. It's her friend who introduced her to a book that I don't remember the title. The point that the book makes is that, try to write down 10 things that you are very greatful for everyday. Dian claims that it makes her life better, because - she says - when we write that we are greatful to have our mom, it makes our relationship with our mom better. It's about what we attract to come. If we always complain, then what our complain will be doubled. Oppositely, if we try to get the positive side of every single thing that happens, our greafulness will be doubled. Meaning we are going to be made happy all the time.

Today, I happen to watch a video of Oprah giving a speech in Stanford University. I like watching a video of people who have done something. People who have suffered but came out as winners. I find that sort of thing very inspiring. It helps me to be brave again in my vurnarable situation.

I don't know about the event. I just think I need motivation at the moment. So, I just download the video. Previously I have watched her video addressing a graduation speech in Harvard. It was working for me to build up my spirit again. And, this time I thought if she gives a speech in university it must be a motivational speech again. So I downloaded it. Turns out it's about spirituality. The place used for the event is a church but I decided to go on watching it nonetheless. The good thing is she doesn't try to convert. In fact, she doesn't seem to talk in a represention of any system belief at all. She did quote some words from bible but she's quite herself. One thing that surprises me again is about the gratitude journal. She also talks about it. But she puts 5 as the number. Write five things that make you grateful everyday, she says.

To be continued.....
Things That Happened To Me This One Year
And, My Own Gratitude Journal - Annual Note

Hari rabu lalu kami mahasiswa international universitas Celal Bayar diajak oleh pihak ISO (International Students Office) untuk hadir ke acara Orienteering di fakultas olahraga. Awalnya sempat menolak. Mengingat akhir-akhir ini aku sudah sering sekali bolos kuliah. Tentu saja bukan dengan sengaja. Saya tidak sanggup untuk menahan perasaan bersalah saat bolos kuliah. (Cieee... anak rajin wkwkwkwk) Sebelumnya tidak masuk kuliah karena ikut orientasi kegiatan tertentu selama dua hari, yang nanti akan saya tulis juga, ketika waktunya sudah tepat. Kadang-kadang saya bisa jadi sangat superstitious - merasa bahwa rencana sebiknya jangan di koar-koar karena itu bisa merusak hasilnya. (What am I talking about?) Lupakan!

Ternyata acara orienteering itu sengaja diadakan buat mahasiswa asing saja! Jadi memang nggak etis juga sih kalau aku menolak. Selama dua tahun terakhir aku nolak terus untuk hadir diacara-acara yang diadakan kampus buat mahasiswa asing, untuk alasan tertentu yang akan memakan waktu tiga hari untuk mrnulisnya. #lebai.com

Lalu apakah itu orienteering? 
Saya juga baru tahu ketika ikut kemarin. Sebenarnya kegiatannya nggak terlalu asing bagi yang pernah ikut pramuka. (Nunjuk ke diri sendiri dengan bangga) Cuma beda nama dan yang kali ini lebih modern dan terorganisir. Bukan berarti di pramuka nggak teriganisir, cuma yang ini sifatnya lebih sudah diplot dari awal. Kalau di pramuka kan niat awalnya untuk bisa survive di alam. Kalau ini di design buat have fun saja. 

Orienteering ini kalau di pramuka hampir mirip dengan hiking dan sejenisnya. Jadi ingat memori indah masa lalu, saat sekolah di Nurul Islam Boarding School. Pengalaman yang tidak bisa dilupakan. Yang paling memorial adalah saat saya jadi ketua regu di regu flamingo. Lupa kenapa regu kami milih nama itu. Dan selama perkemahan kami jadi juara umum untuk semua kegiatan. (Eh... bener nggak sih? Main claim aja nih...)

Salah satu hal yang paling seru saat menjadi anggota pramuka di NIBOARDS adalah saat ikut hiking yang memberikan kami kesempatan untuk merasakan pengalaman melewati sungai, turun-naik tebing, dan post terakhirnya adalah air terjun. Selama perjalanan kesana ada banyak sejali pos-pos. Setiap pos memiliki instruksi masing-masing. Tidak lupa juga sepanjang perjalan kami selain terbakar okeh sinar matahari, karena lokasi sekolah itu sudah masuk ke daerah yang lumayan panas, semangat juga kami bakar dengan yel-yel yang kami teriakkan.

Nah, kegiatan pos-pos-an ini lo yang mirip dengan kegiatan yang aku lakukan di ORIENTEERING kemarin. Ingat kan tadi saya bilang ini lebih modern. Nah di orienteering ini dari awal sudah disediakan peta dengan penunjunjuk perjalanan. Jadi tugas peserta cuma ngikuti petujuk arah dipeta itu. Kedua, disetiap pos disediakan bendera uang lumayan besar jadi tidak perlu lingkung nyari lokasi instruksinya. Kalau dipramuka, kami harus nyari sampai dibawah-bawah daun kering. Lalu ngikutin instruksi yang ditulis dikertas itu lagi. Ketiga, dipeta disediakan ada nomer dan kolom-kolom. Tugas peserta adalah mem-punch kolom itu dengan puncher yang sediakan disetiap pos. Setiap puncher memiliki lubang yang berbeda jadi kita nggak bisa nipu. Cuma gitu aja sih. 

Sejarahnya, orienteering ini ditemukan di Norwegia. Permainan yang dilakukan oleh para militer. Ada juga rumor yang mengatakan bahwa ini itu adalah permainan para anggota kerajaan. Atau lain lagi, cukup hanya karena Norway yang dingin, para orang Norway melakukan segala cara untuk tetap hangat yaitu salah satunya dengan aktivitas ini. 

Kembali lagi ke pramuka! Salah satu yang membuatku sangan bangga pernah ikut pramuka adalah karena aku pernah berkesempatan ikut Jamboree Asean! Mewakili provinsi Aceh. Bisa berkumpul dengan seluruh youngsters dari Asia Tenggara adalah suatu pengalaman yang tak terlupakan! Padahal itu di tahun 2008 lho, sekitar tujuh tahun yang lalu! 

Salam Pramuka! 
Prok prok prok