I have spent 3 out of 21 years of life living in entirely new world. For me, it was a tough 2 years, I must say. Even though now I can't feel the difference anymore. It's either I get used to everything or this is how the world works. Someone says world moves in circle. Now another worry grows! "When I come back to my homeland will it be just the same, the way I left them 3 years ago?" Well, I wish not! I wish there were some improvements in infrastructure and stuff. But the intimacy within the family, that's one thing that we should never changed! The kindness of my people should never fade away!
It's easy to say that. But I don't get it! How come someone who has left his family behind, for God knows how long, still confident to say that? Someone who calls his Ma only once a month. Someone who isolates himself from the world. Does a family mean anything at all to him. Or it's just his dreams, his ambitions all that matter?
This year I can finally breath. No more feeling of being smothered, like two years earlier. God pays all the struggles that I went through with a sweet fruit. The first two years were just a test; A Profeciency Test of Being Patience. I wasn't that patience. But God gives me the fruit. Maybe God knows I have done everything I can to keep staying. Staying is a big deal. Many of them ending up leaving, not as a martyr but as a coward.
I had problems in my first year! I decided to go on my own. I believe God is always by my side. So I thought I had nothing to worry about. I just go! I traveled far, far way. I wouldn't want those hypocrites notice my journey. I go quietly. It's become clear now. They didn't want me from the first place. If they did, they would've gone after me. So it goes. (Thanks Vonnegut :)
Suddenly I can thank myself enough for making that decision. A big fabulous decision. Now I live my life without having a feeling of being smothered. Previously it felt like I was a patient at one hospital geting infused with I don't what water is that. But then a nurse, who pretended to take care of me, let the water stuck on purpose. Whatever! At least I can breath now. Doesn't mean that I don't have any problem. I do have problem but at least it's individual problem. Not caused by other people's evil deed.
Thank you ya Allah for this one year in particular.
You were my savior and always be savior,
You stay by my side when others let me down,
You are my breath.
The beginning of 2015 brought me delight. I was deserted and God saved me. I prayed I prayed and God said now is the time. You have learnt a little bit. Keep doing that. The miracles keep coming. At first it was on the matter of not wanting to give a burden to your family, finacially. God helps me to get scholarships, even though it will end next month. At least I get one lesson; help comes from every where whenever you need it. You just need to trust God's omniscient. Next semester God has written me another thing. At least I get a foresee. If something goes right I'll be experiencing a new world. I will talk about it when it happens.
Thank you Allah for every single moment Thou spent with me. I know Thou are always by my side. I know, it's me who sometime get carried away.
21 is a big enough number to be a grown up man. Grown up doesn't mean you are physically tall or having beard in your chin. It's about your way in making decision in every single probem that you are faced to. I am not a matured person. I often act like a kid. But I am trying to. I try to be mature spiritually, physically and mentally. I would like to see my self as a person of that kind. Maybe it can be seen after tomorrow. Who knows? It's your own free will Hari! Pointing finger to myself.
Thank you Allah.
Thank you Bapak and Mamak for not tying me up like a pet. There are many parents who won't let their children to experience world. But you give me that precious thing.
Thank you world for whatever it is.
Thank you friends for your presence in my life. Each of you brings me something that I might not know, if I didn't meet you.
Thank you books, for being my friend when I am completely alone.
Thank you school, for being the only one to accept me while others keep rejecting my presence.
Thank you PPI Izmir for becoming a home for my loneliness.
Thank you.. Thank you..
Thanks to a brother that I haven't had to get me a book (Sophie's World) as a present.
I am 21! I am 12?
Happy birthday my bro, John F. Kennedy.
Happy celebration of Fatih day. Today is the day when Fatih invanded Istanbul.