Did I tell you that I am a kind of person who is easily feeling bad about myself? I often feel guilty out of nothing. But it helps. It helps me to be who I am. My guilt is my weapon when I am around people. It makes me a tolerant, I guess. When someone serves me I will be so uneasy. I would prefer helping them than
being served.
That's just a minor case. There are many other things that could make me uneasy. Today, for example, is the death of my aunty. She is so dear to me. And I feel so bad, if I laugh in her dying day. I force I myself to mourn with whatever it takes. I did mourn. I cried. I prayed for her. And it doesn't feel enough.
Movie, is something that could move me to every state of emotions. I could laugh, cry, or even get angry. Today, I chose to be crying. I watch "My Sister's Keeper."
This movie can easily relate to me. Not only because my aunty's death is caused by the disease she has been suffering, which is something that this movie is talking about: DEATH - SICKNESS. But also because, I kind of in that situation once.
When I was little, my brother suffered typhus. That makes me notice my father's weakness. Not having money would not make my father frustrated, but if one of his boys gets sick he would not be able to do anything. Literally anything.
I was just a kid back then. In this movie I would be the Jesse. A son who needs attention from his parents but fails to get so. Even when I turned middle school I would be jealous and concluding that my father's absent during the end of semester to take my report as his lack of affection to me. Because he is only favoring my ill-brother. That's what I would say to his face back then.
Today typhus wouldn't be thought as a serious ill. But back then it was. In fact my brother has to skip school for a year. He spent that long in hospital. One day an ambulance came to my neighborhood with its sirens. So loud. In my country it means the car is bringing a dead body. My mom was crying so out of control. She thought it was his boy on that car. The little me knew nothing.
I was just confused. It wasn't my brother's corpse. It was the corpse of a mother who died after giving birth to her son. And she's still our relative.
During that years, my father would spoil my brother with everything. He tried to provide everything he wants. And our family's financial condition was okay back then. It was in my turn everything turns upside down.
If you wonder why a last child could be as brave as me, that's my story. I've never been spoiled. I thank my brother for that. And I do love him as little brother. My jealousy back then was just a little boy story who's in need of attention.
I am very grateful he could make it. Even though that disease did come back again when he was in high school, he managed to survive again.
I don't know what’s the point of my writing. I guess it's just me who wants to transform grief into something positive. I love you aunty. I wish I could see you smiling from heaven. I think my father's weakness is mine too. I just realized it that I couldn't handle hearing the news about my families' death. Just during my stay in Turkey alone, I have lost three of my dearest people: my grandma, grandpa and aunty. And my heart is aching when the news came.
being served.
That's just a minor case. There are many other things that could make me uneasy. Today, for example, is the death of my aunty. She is so dear to me. And I feel so bad, if I laugh in her dying day. I force I myself to mourn with whatever it takes. I did mourn. I cried. I prayed for her. And it doesn't feel enough.
Movie, is something that could move me to every state of emotions. I could laugh, cry, or even get angry. Today, I chose to be crying. I watch "My Sister's Keeper."
This movie can easily relate to me. Not only because my aunty's death is caused by the disease she has been suffering, which is something that this movie is talking about: DEATH - SICKNESS. But also because, I kind of in that situation once.
When I was little, my brother suffered typhus. That makes me notice my father's weakness. Not having money would not make my father frustrated, but if one of his boys gets sick he would not be able to do anything. Literally anything.
I was just a kid back then. In this movie I would be the Jesse. A son who needs attention from his parents but fails to get so. Even when I turned middle school I would be jealous and concluding that my father's absent during the end of semester to take my report as his lack of affection to me. Because he is only favoring my ill-brother. That's what I would say to his face back then.
Today typhus wouldn't be thought as a serious ill. But back then it was. In fact my brother has to skip school for a year. He spent that long in hospital. One day an ambulance came to my neighborhood with its sirens. So loud. In my country it means the car is bringing a dead body. My mom was crying so out of control. She thought it was his boy on that car. The little me knew nothing.
I was just confused. It wasn't my brother's corpse. It was the corpse of a mother who died after giving birth to her son. And she's still our relative.
During that years, my father would spoil my brother with everything. He tried to provide everything he wants. And our family's financial condition was okay back then. It was in my turn everything turns upside down.
If you wonder why a last child could be as brave as me, that's my story. I've never been spoiled. I thank my brother for that. And I do love him as little brother. My jealousy back then was just a little boy story who's in need of attention.
I am very grateful he could make it. Even though that disease did come back again when he was in high school, he managed to survive again.
I don't know what’s the point of my writing. I guess it's just me who wants to transform grief into something positive. I love you aunty. I wish I could see you smiling from heaven. I think my father's weakness is mine too. I just realized it that I couldn't handle hearing the news about my families' death. Just during my stay in Turkey alone, I have lost three of my dearest people: my grandma, grandpa and aunty. And my heart is aching when the news came.
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