THE MEKTOUB

It's awkward, but also feeling relief at the same time, to find out that your life story is written by other people. Awkward, because it means your secret is now openly known. Of course he was not spying you. It's you, to be too over-confident, to think that he is writing for you, or you think that he was inspired by you experiences. Relief, because you realize that you were not the only being on earth to experience it. People tend to find company when it comes to the matter of discomfortness; to look at other people to make them feel good about themselves.

It was not the first time to have a thought 'this story is so me!' but this one is completely a representation of what I am experiencing right now. The feeling of being depressed by the world and all the crazy stuff around it, including fear of not being able to fit in to it. Why world seems to be an arena of combat, for me. Everybody is trying to be the best. Who are they competing with? No war occurs. So many people discuss about the cruelness of war, meaning all people are condemning war; meaning nobody agrees war to happen? So why are they training so hard?

No waited answer comes to me. I don't mind if it is answered even just by whispering. Now I begin to hate having it. It's continuingly coming back. Instead of getting answer, I'm the one being questioned. So it comes to me not to represent me, it comes to me to question me. I was not aware of it. 'If I knew the answer I would not let the question come out of my mouth,' I tried to explain. It was fine for a while, but now it comes with a bunch of its friends. His voice is louder now. I couldn't stand it. To escape from this unpleasant condition, I manage myself to be busier, especially my thought. I never let it remain empty. It's movie then that becomes my refuge.

Unlike the character within the story, what confuses him is his own failure to answer the meaning of life; he fails to answer the purpose of human beings to be on earth; he does not even believe in religion; other character, but he represents the whole idea of the story, even makes fun of the prayer, what makes me headache is (I think the modernization and the pressure that modern life gives to me.) Everything will be impossible to achieve without money, even education. Okay, you say now we can see everything on internet, but to open internet itself money has to be the first requirement.

Song, I have a great story about song. How come people from different generations know each other's feeling? This really is awkward. You know it by heart but then you make yourself listen to it again and again, as if you were trying to memorize your own thought. It's there. You need not listen to it over and over. But I love it. It calms me down.

A clean, well-lighted café

Waiting my life to begin.